The power of grief

Grief is a powerful thing.

It's been nearly 10 years since my mom passed away, and I had almost forgotten how grieving impacts everything.

The death of my grandpa has not only made me feel sad, it has had a serious impact on my physical well-being also.

I have had to force myself to exercise. I just feel as though I cannot move quickly. Usually, I'm full of energy and a pretty fast walker. Lately, I've been dragging my feet, walking at a snail's pace. Getting on a treadmill and trying to run, when all I really want to do is lay in bed and cry, has been really difficult.

My body aches. I feel as though I've aged 10 years in the last three weeks.
I look as though I've aged 10 years in the last three weeks.
Maybe it's because I feel so tired.

I'm in the process of ending an internship and looking for a job. That's been fun.
Putting on the little-miss-smiley and super-enthusiastic-awesome-person act should at least get me nominated for an Academy Award, because it's the farthest thing from how I really feel.

I'm short with everyone - friends, family, you name it.

Everything that usually annoys me, really annoys me a lot now. (Yes, husband, that means you and your toothpaste spit that you don't rinse down the drain.)

I don't feel like being social.
I don't feel like having fun.
I don't feel like reading.
I don't feel like walking the dog.
I don't feel like doing my wifely duty. (You know what I mean.)
I don't even feel like shopping. Yeah, I know - it's really bad.

I do feel like eating. It makes me feel better, for like, two seconds.
Perhaps this is why I gained 50, yes, 5 - 0, pounds after my mother passed away.

Oh, I've just got to get myself out of this funk...

I want to feel like myself again.


  1. Oh hon, I'm sorry about "the funk" but since I'm just catching up on your blog it sounds like you're getting out of it!! good job! Hope you're feeling better and that you remember what an amazing man your grandfather was and what a wonderful granddaughter he helped create!!


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