The power of grief

Grief is a powerful thing.

It's been nearly 10 years since my mom passed away, and I had almost forgotten how grieving impacts everything.

The death of my grandpa has not only made me feel sad, it has had a serious impact on my physical well-being also.

I have had to force myself to exercise. I just feel as though I cannot move quickly. Usually, I'm full of energy and a pretty fast walker. Lately, I've been dragging my feet, walking at a snail's pace. Getting on a treadmill and trying to run, when all I really want to do is lay in bed and cry, has been really difficult.

My body aches. I feel as though I've aged 10 years in the last three weeks.

I look as though I've aged 10 years in the last three weeks.

Seriously.

Maybe it's because I feel so tired.

I'm in the process of ending an internship and looking for a job. That's been fun.

Putting on the little-miss-smiley and super-enthusiastic-awesome-person act should at least get me nominated for an Academy Award, because it's the farthest thing from how I really feel.

I'm short with everyone - friends, family, you name it.

Everything that usually annoys me, really annoys me a lot now. (Yes, husband, that means you and your toothpaste spit that you don't rinse down the drain.)

I don't feel like being social.

I don't feel like having fun.

I don't feel like reading.

I don't feel like walking the dog.

I don't feel like doing my wifely duty. (You know what I mean.)

I don't even feel like shopping. Yeah, I know - it's really bad.

I do feel like eating. It makes me feel better, for like, two seconds.

Perhaps this is why I gained 50, yes, 5 - 0, pounds after my mother passed away.

Oh, I've just got to get myself out of this funk...

I want to feel like myself again.